Christmas 1991 - Not Your Grandma's Chrsitmas letter

December 1991

Dear Family and Friends,

The last of the leaves are dry and hard. They hang tenaciously to the old oak trees that tower high over our house. They clatter in the wind of this cold December night. The air is sharp, with the promise of snow in it. As yet, this promise is unfulfilled.

And like a child eagerly waking with hopes of cancelled school only to find the litter of brown leaves instead of sparkling snow, the hardened ground sighs its disappointment.

I sit here at my desk in the family room, not quite snug and warm, for like many of you, our family room is in the basement. Basements have the habit of not completely blocking out near zero temperatures, but this is where my life-saving computer resides, so here I sit. Actually, I am truly grateful for the protection this basement does afford. The events of the last two years underscore just how fortunate we are to have our basic need for food and shelter met.

I did not write last year for a couple of reasons. One was that I have been attempting to write a book. The other was, well, I was having a bit of a problem framing the year's events in a way that would be somewhat uplifting. I suppose I could have joined in with Job, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." But I thought that somehow that just did not cut it.

When I told Michael that I was not sure I would write that year Mike chuckled rather wickedly. "Ah, yes. I can see it, now!" he said. "Dear family and friends, this year has shone wondrously on the Kashtock family. Mike got fired from his job after all appeared to be on the upswing and had to take a job with a cut in pay and highly reduced benefits. We continue to struggle financially. Justin has been diagnosed with ADD (attention deficit disorder) and has had to start taking a potent medication just to cope. He will probably fight this all of his life. Pat's book goes nowhere. Heidi remains painfully the same and Galen has gotten lost in the shuffle."

I figured I'd pass on that one.

In some ways, this year has been no better. Yet, I do not want to sound ungrateful. God has been merciful, and He has watched out for us.

We had made no financial gains in Mike's four years at the NFPA, and thus had lost a lot of ground due to a growing family and growing expenses. I remember telling Michael in the fall of '89 when we were starting to really struggle, that while praying I had gotten a really strong feeling that things would be better in about two years. Six months later, he was fired.

Things promptly got worse.

But now it is two years later. Three days after receiving his notice of termination, Mike had an offer to return to the FDA. He has enjoyed the different challenges there, and due to a promotion and raise, we are at last on an even keel. Again we have seen that God is there and He is not silent. Only something seemed to go wrong with my hearing for a while. After weathering so many storms, one would think there would be a sense of elation. Instead, I found myself thrust into a "dark night of the soul" that I suspect was somewhat of my own making. I could not seem to find the doorway out, and the sense of ennui that had settled in made me loathe to try.

Mercifully, the night seems to be lifting. Just when I hit the point that I felt I could take no more, the darkness began to dissipate. "For lo, the night is over, and the morning has come."

(Rom. 13:12)

But as Michael's prodding reminds me, there have been many bright spots in our year. Heidi was granted her "wish" by the Make-a-Wish Foundation. They made it possible for us to spend three weeks in Florida visiting my Grandmother and family, and going to Disney World. It was an experience the kids will never forget! For me it was simply wonderful to see my family again.

School-wise, Heidi has been placed in a different type of class. While it is too soon to tell yet, this class may be just what she needs. The expectations seem to be both stricter in some ways, yet more realistic. We were grateful to see that this new teacher puts an emphasis on thinking skills. Not only do I think these skills should be taught to all children, but given Heidi's trauma induced memory difficulties, will give her another avenue to fall back on.

Justin suddenly smacked into some serious school difficulties, which prompted some immediate testing. Lo and behold, he may have something of a learning disability! While this may not sound so good off hand, it explains a lot, and gives us something to fight. I have gained new respect for Justin, because he has been coping on his own for so long. And amazingly, the tests show that in spite of all of the difficulties, against all of the odds, Justin's self-esteem has survived intact. As I see it that is truly a testament to God's grace.

Galen, the "quiet" one, is proving to be a rather interesting little character. His imagination knows no bounds, and is showing a somewhat off- beat sense of humor. He has gotten so into making up these fantastic tales, that in jest, I asked him if he were going to be a writer of stories when he grows up. He actually stood there and seriously considered it as if for the first time and said, "You know, Mommy, maybe. Maybe I will."

Although for the moment I cannot stand here and shout joyfully, "In Christ we have the victory!"

--I still know this to be true.

I cannot shout it,

But yet I can say to you, -- although perhaps only quietly,

that somehow, someway,

in Christ, we do have the victory.

We may not be able to see it, to touch it. The end of the race may seem to always be just there...

just out there---

always. infuriatingly. just seemingly beyond our grasp.

But it is there.

And we shall reach it. The time will come, and we will stand hand in hand with Him.

The words of T.S. Eliot in The Four Quartets speak to this most glorious of hopes:

"And all shall be well and

All manner of thing shall be well

When the tongues of flame are in-folded

Into the crowned knot of fire

And the fire and the rose are one."

As we celebrate the birth of the One who is both Fire and Rose, we wish you joy, and peace and the knowledge of His abiding presence. And when the dark night arrives, -- for it does come at sometime to us all -- and the hardened leaves clatter in the chill of the high December winds --

we wish you, and us, a speedy return to the ever-welcoming warmth of His light.

With all the joy of His love, we wish you a wonderful Christmas!

Patty, Michael, Heidi, Justin, and Galen Christopher